shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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