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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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