I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
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