why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Randomize
