At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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