my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
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