theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
