Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
