He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
