Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
