Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Randomize
