2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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