Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Randomize
