so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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