how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Randomize
