Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
