Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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