Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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