He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
