guys are only as good as the porn they watch
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Randomize
