too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
