im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
