hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
