I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
