You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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