lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
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