Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I had to cum in my sink.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
