im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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