Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
