So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
it glows. i had to have it.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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