I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
