benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
