Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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