if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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