Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
