the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
tonight lets celebrate not being married
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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