I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
