i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Randomize
