woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
