Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
whose parrot is this?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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