as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
