Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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