The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
