just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
