If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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