We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
