Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
