I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
