this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
