Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
