he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
