Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
