just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
