no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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